i will

post about the life changing experience i had on saturday, which was the common & friends benefit concert. i should have wrote about it that night to get all the emotions i felt, but oh well. i will do it later, probably, first i need to make up this butt-load of missing homework. i feel like i'm letting myself down when it comes to school work. but succeeding in other things, but i don't want it to be like that. i want there to be a balance, so goodbye again for now, i must return to the real world. i think i'll boycott the computer. yes! that is what i will do.

loyalty

I LOVE YOU KANYE WEST.


i feel like after seeing kanye perform at common's benefit concert, i fell in love with him all over again. not like how i used to be obsessed with him in 6th grade, lol. but like he is the best friend or big brother that i have yet to meet in person. i love you kanye:)


(my first post in a while, just for yeezy. lol)

"hi hatas i'm back off of hiatus, i feel just like you i mean even i hate us"

My birthday weekend:)

first of let me sa thank You to God for letting me see another birthday:)
next, i would like to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday, you guys' words made this the best birthday ever.
this has been the most amazing birthday weekend ever, i got to spend time with people that i really love and care about, and next week will be even better because i will get to hang out with them and the other people i lvoe and care about all at the same time:)
man, i honestly feel like the luckiest person in the world. God has blessed me with so many amazing friends. i was talking to one of them today, and i was just overwhelmed with all my love for each and everyone of them. i really truly believe that i am the luckiest person because each and everyone of you. you guys are the flavor in my world, and i love you all very much. veezy, yout blog post almost made me cry:) lol

i spoke to my daddy today, and for the first time ever i heard him cry to me. he told me he was so proud, and that just made my day. ever since my birthdays starting the summer after 4th grade, i have spent my birthday wish when blowing out my candles saying "i wish my daddy was home", now i don't have to say that anymore. i love you daddy.

i can't get enough of these. lol

it's another birthday test:)



You Are an Oddball
You tend to be understated and under appreciated.You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way.People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little.Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know.Your strength: Standing up for what you know is trueYour weakness: You tend to be picky and rigidYour power color: SilverYour power symbol: SquareYour power month: April

creepy FB quizzes

Values:Sensitivity Harmony Compassion
Joys:Romance Friendships Affection
Strengths:Nurturer Sincere Creativity
Needs:Understanding Love Affection
Frustrations:Lack of Romance Disharmony Time Limits
At work you have a strong desire to influence others so they may lead more significant lives. You often work in the arts, communication, education, and helping professions. You are adept at motivating and interacting with others
In love you seek harmonious relationships. You are a true romantic and believe in perfect love that lasts forever. You bring drama, warmth, and empathy to relationships. You enjoy sysmbols of romance such as flowers, candlelight, and musci an cherish the small gestures of love.In childhood you were extremely imaginative and found it difficult to fit into the structure of school life. You reacted with great sensitivity to discordance or rejection and sought recognition. You responded to encouragement

supernova

ok, supernova is obviously old now. lol but it's not the type of the song that i'd get tired of, well, i haven't gotten tired of it yet. anyway, i just wanted to post mr. hudson's verse cause it is really beautiful, so is ye's but i don't feel like posting all of that. lol

They got it all, they've got all the things i thought i wanted But i can't afford to fake anymore. To live this facade and smile as the warm champagne pours. Out on the lawn we'll pretend we're having tons of fun in this world where we don't belong. Some bloke all alone. is she thinking of me? Did she forget what we once had.........and I feel like taking off, let me be your supernova...before you make the biggest mistake of your life...just give me the chance to get it right get it right

this song

is like sex through a headphone.

says the virgin till marriage. ha

new one.

ok, bathing "in rainbows"


how about that one? if anyone got that i'd totally love them. lol
peaceeee

Showering in Meteors

the idigenous ones.



these are two titales that i might use for books. don't steal them, this is dated, everyone will know you stole it from me. lol

"We must strive to be like the moon."

"always be on your best behavior and be good to other."
"people complain when there is too much sun and it gets unberably hot, and also when it rains too much and it is too cold. no one complains when the moon shines."

isn't that beautiful? it's from A LONG WAY GONE.

Enlightened

so, i keep having these life-changing experiences at church man. i really feel like a new person. i feel like i've matured. things that used to interest me don't interest me anymore, things that i used to find funny just aren't funny anymore. i feel like im leaving my old habits behind and i'm ready for a change. i want to be a better person and a better Christian. i know it probably seems like i'm a good person since you guys (my friends) say it all the time. lol but honestly, i could be a lot better. i just really want to tell people all about the Lord and what he has done for me. i've been through so much in my life and i'm just 16, but even with all of that, i feel like the most blessed person in the world because i know that through it all, God kept me and watched me. He chose me for a specific plan. so today at the church i go to when i'm in texas, there was a guest pastor form atlanta, Pastor Olu Brown. he was completely amazing, i could go on and on about his messages. but anyway, the things he spoke about today were what i have actually been doing. he was talking about acting as if you have already arrived and achieved your goals, and not caring about what people around you say, so it was just really great to get confirmation that i am doing the right thing:) ahhhh, ok, i can stop now. i didn't think i'd get peace until i wrote all of that out. lol check this website for his sermons. i plan to listen to them all......ok, nevermind, this computer is trippin. lol google "pastor olu brown" and it'll take you there. peace & love my brothers and sisters:)

Blessed

this past week has been probably one of the best weeks for me, both spiritually and artistically. i performed at MOCA, my baby cousin Eka was born, i got closer to God, i made the audition i tryed out for! everything is just finaly falling into place for me, this is amazing. Glory be to God.

Today

today i felt like murdering something. i don't mean to scare anybody though. so i'll just say "just kidding" even though i'm not. i was so angry, and i don't get angry. which scares me. oh well, i'm cool now. blah,blah,blah.

regrets

within the past week, i have written two posts that i never published. i don't want to regret publishing them. i wish i posted them, but whatever. i need an outlet, maybe i'll write today. peace

MOCA2

M E T A P H O R I A:
Spoken Word at MOCA
Presented by LAartlab

Featuring contemporary emerging and established poets
from Los Angeles and Chicago including:

Luis Alfaro ∙ Linda Gamboa ∙ Dante Mitchell,
Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai ∙ April Rose Rojas ∙ Alex Narango
Karla Diaz ∙ Ruth Mendez “V” ∙ J.I.G.G.S.A.W.
Liz Haro ∙ Monique Mitchell ∙ Desiree Summerville
and others.

Museum of Contemporary Art
Thursday July 23, 2009
6:00pm - 7:30pm
250 South Grand Street
Los Angeles CA 90012

Admission is free to the event and Museum, arrive early and check out the galleries!
Parking available at various lots around the Museum starting at $5

<3

so, i've come to the sad, sad realization that me and pharrell won't be getting married. lol i'm pretty sure he won't like the 19 year gap. lol [i'm a psycho for this] but anywho, me and justin nozuka will be getting married now, so it's all goodie=)

Shel Silverstein

well, you guys pretty much know that i love poetry. i love finding out about new authors. well, old authors, that are new to me. lol but i'm gonna talk about Shel. i loved all of his books when i was a little girl. just like when harry potter came out, i begged my parental unit to buy the whole coolection for me. i thought i was just so poetic reading "Falling Up" or "Where the Sidewalk Ends". lol. that was in 6th grade when i finally got the whole collection i believe. anyway, my friend Lola was like "i don't really like Shel Silverstein, he's not serious enough", or something like that. lol i remember after hearing her say that, i wanted to write serious poems. of course, the poems i came up with, i thought they were terribly horrible. i sucked basically. then i got much older, and started writing like for real. i still thought i sucked, the only difference was i shared my poems with people, and strange thing happened, they liked them! so now, people call me a "poet". =) nice little story right? i love Shel, and the kid that lived in him.

“"There Is A Voice Inside Of YouThat Whispers All Day Long,"I Feel That This Is Right For Me,I Know That This Is Wrong."No Teacher, Preacher, Parent, FriendOr Wise Man Can DecideWhat's Right For You- Just Listen ToThe Voice That Speaks Inside."”-Shel Silverstein

YIKES!

so, while reading one of my bestfriend's blog (vicaria, down since 6th grade. lol), i realized that i'm actually a senior now. the thought kind of scares me. i can NOT mess up this year. i get lazy at times, but this year, that won't be acceptable.

multi-faceted

that's the word i was looking for in the previous post. lol my BESTFRIEND just made me think of my post, and then i thought of a word that fits the description i was trying to give.

About Me

"about me? i don't sleep with my hands or feet hanging off my bed because i think a monster might snatch me." -me=)
ok but seriously, this is what i was gonna say. i'm so...idk the word..... ok, nevermind. lol (i apparently don't plan what im gonna write, i just write)
i was trying to say that i'll listen to only like one song for a week or weeks if i really like it, then i'll switch up and listen to something totally different. lol i'll listen to something soft and smooth, then switch up to a rap song. haha that's just funny to me. ok, peace=) (this was a totally unecessary post)

Anais Nin

I just found out about this woman. she is incredible! i love her already=)

“I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”

MOCA!

me and my brother have been invited to perform at the MOCA (musuem of contemporary art). i am just truly, truly thankful for the oppurtunities that i have been given. i thank God every day for everything he is allowing me to do=) some days i can't even believe it. oh yeah, for all you kanye & pharrell lovers, you all know takashi murakami, right? he had an exhibit there! crazy! i'm so blessed=)

ideas vs. fact

i believe that in our world, ideas are more important to people than fact. for example, factually, everyone is beautiful, but everyone is not ideally beautiful.
we choose to run with preconceived ideas, instead finding out and discovering our own truths. we should grow up accepting only what we believe to be true for us, and rejecting what we don't.



the whole concept of "truth" is very interesting to me. i can write about it all day, but today is not that day.

Blessed!

Man, i feel incredibly joyful. i don't know what has gotten into me, but today i just felt so grateful and thankful for everything that is happening in my life. the Lord has really blessed me, and i just feel like i want to tell the whole world about Him. i know it's never been cool for a teenager to talk about God, but i really don't care! lol. The Lord has bleesed me so much, i have so many oppurtunities just lying at my feet, and it's all because of Him, real talk. everything that i am doing, im only able to do it because of God. Thank You Lord, i love you so much!

"when you look at what the Lord has done for me, you are looking at what the LOrd can do for you."-Me[monique mitchell] lol

Daddy<3

my daddy told me that he was proud of me, and that he was lcuky to be my father.
with those words being said, nothing else in this world matter. Nothing. i have only wanted to make him proud because no matter what he has done, he is still my daddy, and i love him. i'm the lucky one.

he comes home in october=] haha i won't have to press "5" to talk to him anymore. smh. lol

A Long Way Gone:

Memoirs of a Boy Soldier.

reading this for AP English. it's good so far. i know it is gonna be great.

Creepy Quiz

ahh, so this is a quiz result from a facbook quiz i took out of boredom. lol the reason it's creepy is because it's true. haha

The Cusp of Exposure – Leo/Virgo Cusp August 19-25
You are an interesting blend of introvert and extrovert. You are an outstanding observer and judge of character. You know how to watch, silently without drawing attention to yourself. You have a great memory and are objective; you can also be a dependable and reliable friend. You have the need to be understood. You do not easily attach your passion and affection to someone but when you do you form long lasting relationships. You can be very private, self centered and secretive. Strengths: Self Contained – Observant – Flamboyant Weaknesses: Narcissistic – Secretive – Non Sharing

Wonderwall

i am singing wonderwall by oasis out LOUD. haha i cannot get this song out of my head. i'm home alone, which gives me the freedom to sing it super loud. lol "i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now." [i sung that as i typed it haha, i need a life] well, that part of the song is so pretty. just thought i'd share it with you guys.

"all the roads we have to walk are winding, and all the lights that lead us there are blinding."

Disgrace to my Race! +]

man, i feel like such a disgrace, i totally didn't know the BET awards came on today. lol i don't really care though. i don't watch BET anyway, so how would i know?
the only reason i WOULD watch it would be for the Michael Jackson tribute. i guess i'll catch the re-run. aim away messages inform me on things around the world. lol
p.s. i actually don't feel like a disgrace, i really don't care. hahahhahahaa [that sounds so evil]

don't read this if you've never seen "into the wild"

omg, he dies? what the freak. i'm really mad right now. like seriously. well, i'm more sad than mad. +(


my heart is completely broken right now.

Michael 2.

so, i have this quote from a paul laurence dunbar poem on my page, and it reminded me of Michael. except i am changing "she" to "he" for Michael.

"he lives and all is bright. he dies and life is night."

Michael.

So, it's taken me two days to write about this stuff. idk man, i'm just finding this hard to believe. deep down, i really hope that this is all a big lie. i want to believe that he is still alive, just like i want to believe that tupac is still alive. I feel that they were geniuses, and i really need to meet them so i can talk to them. after watching finding neverland, i cried. it wasn't actually peter pan, but it was the story of how "neverland" was created. after watching that movie, i thought...no, i was CONVINCED that i would meet Michael Jackson. that's why it has been easier for me these past two days to not believe it. [which is a great defense mechanism for the time being, but when it comes down...idk man] i decided to write about it today because today i feel the saddest about it. last night after performing, i came home to leimert park to see this big thing for him, playing his music and everything. i thought to myself "THIS, this right here is what he would want. not all the sadness." but it just started to overwhelm me, and i got sad. well, i love you soooo much Michael. you will always be in neverland now. you're energy is all around us, and it always will be. thank you for everything. "i'm starting with the man in the mirror, i'm asking him to change his ways." much respect to his family. peaceee

Henry David Thoreau

this dude is one of my heroes. if you don't know who he is, he is the author of "Walden", and he was also a transcendentalist. [along with one of my other heroes, ralph waldo emmerson].
well, he is my hero because he loved a natural life, and wrote about his time...hence...walden. lol
it's weird because i was watching into the wild, but i saw it from the middle, so i changed the channel and set it to record the next day. when i started watching it from the beginning, i saw that "walden" popped up on the screen. ahh, such a beautiful movie, now let me finish watching it. lol
[it takes me like about a week to finish movies because i drag them out so long cause i don't want them to end. lol]

Biggest Wish

this was originally just a bulletin i posted on myspace......

i want to live a simple, natural life. i wanna have a house in the woods too. of course, i wouldn't live there forever. ok, this is my dream house. i know it contradicts the simplicity of my wish, but it's modern/simple.

Quotes anyone?

so, i realized that when i was talking to my friend, i said some pretty funky stuff. lol check it out.

"i think it's good for people to explore different aspects of everything and then decide what they want to believe in. people shouldn't have religion shoved down their throats, but i think they should learn about it. i'm sticking with Christianity though. i know people have kind of tainted it and made it their own, but i believe what i believe to be true."

"religions are basically like philosophies. they're so beautiful when they're pure."

um...

not feeling anything really. other than the fact that i feel worthless/useless. i haven't written a poem in i don't know how long. i haven't talked to my dad
everything is just retarted. i can't wait for the happy posts=]
they'll be here soon. i can feel it.

pharrell<3

so, i'm on kanye's blog right, and i'm watching n.e.r.d on 106th and park. and pharrell says the EXACT SAME THING i say all the time. "the same is the weirdo" hahaha i freaking love his guts. this is why i love him s much dude. everytime someone calls me weird i'm like yo, i'm not weird. i just do what i feel. you're weird for doing someone else's thin. haha im not even gonna go into depth, i just love you pharrell, seriously. let's get married in one yesr. who cares that you're 19 years older than me? i sure don't.

books & music

perhaps the best things in the world.
my books and music freaking saved me yo. real talk. lol
i would have died of boredom in my younger years. i explain it all in a poem though, you guys have probably heard it. i didn't go that much in depth though, maybe that should be my next project.
hey! i think technology is gonna kill the world. nature will prevail. i read a story about that too, it was just a short story though. =]
oh yeah, so i'm not pretentious guys, the reason you guys THINK i have a big vocabulary is because i read alot. i honestly don't have that big of a vocabulary, i have a lot to learn.
peaceeee

build a bridge

so, i've decided to get over my contempt with teenage culture. i will no longer be annoyed by party people or posers. i'll just let people do them, which coincidentally happens to be someone else. i have realized that there are only a few cool people that are my age. those are the people that were separated when they were younger, they didn't know how to be anybody else but themselves, which makes them cool.
honestly, i don't like super baggy jeans on people, but if today, i saw a boy wearing baggy jeans and a baggy t-shirt, i'd love him for not changing. the hottest thing in the world is when you can be yourself, honestly. i can tell when people are faking. and some people try soooo hard to be different, that they just look the same. lol pitiful, don't live your life trying to please someone else. just do you homie. you'll be fine. =]
but alas, i cried a river, built a bridge, and got over it! hahaha on jay-z "type girl"
peace humans.

Dj Dusk/ Tarek Captan

Ok, the biggest coincidence of my life is actualy not a coincidence at all. Devine intervention maybe? everything happens for a reason. Dj Dusk was my neighbor. he was killed by a drunk driver 3 years ago. i can talk about people passing, but whenever i talk about Dusk's death, i get so angry. well, anyway, one of his closest friends just so happens to be my poetry teacher. Mike the Poet. I met Mike the beginning of 11th grade. Turns out him and Dusk's were like best friends. We were supposed to meet. i went to the sights and sounds of Dusk festival today, and it was the most incredible thing i have ever experienced. there was so much flavor, it was just.......amazing. i loved it. i felt like i realy took something away from that festival. i feel like i need to do great now for Dusk. i always thought he was so cool, and know that i have heard other people speak about him, i jus love him. I miss you Dusk. I love you Dusk. [btw, some new person moved into your house, i really wish you were still there, we would have so much to talk about, there was so much i could have learned from you. thank you for everything you did while you were here.]

p.s, i don't realy get sad when i speak about my mom, maybe it's because i know i have to be strong about that, but i can't help but be sad when i speak about tarek[dusk]=/

one more post

and then i'm done for today.
but ok, when my classmates say i'm "a walking dictionary" or "a walking calculator", i'm honored realy, but that's a lot of pressure to put on me. lol. cause if i ever answer and get it wrong, people will make a big deal out of it. like man, i'm not the smartest person in the world, let me make mistakes.
ok, peaceeeeeee

p.p.s

my teacher hurt my feelings. =/
i should tell him to read this so he can see how his comments hurt people.

p.s

i just wish i could give people my mind and my soul. that way they would know what i was really about, how i really thought. there is just too much for me to try to explain, i just wish you knew me.

Pretentious?

so, it has come to my attention that people think i'm pretentious. i'm honestly not. maybe it comes off that way, but i don't think that i'm smarter than anyone else. i guess i have to sit back and examine myself. i know that i am annoying, i try to get on people's nerves on purpose. but sometimes i even annoy myself. lol i annoy myself when i always answer questions in class, which is why i try not to say anything. but when people keep saying wrong answers, i wish the class will go by faster, so i blurt the answers out. oh gosh, i don't know what i'm saying. [btw, i'm sure that i have alot of errors on this blog, which let's you know i don't care that much about "trying to be smart"] anyway, another thing. i hate it when people call me an oreo, or say that i am "not black enough". like wtfreak, I AM NOT A MOTHER LOVING COoKIE YO! seriously, that really gets on my nerves, if you're saying it in a joking mater, don't worry, i know you're playing. but i can tell when people are saying that stuff to be hurtful. i bet i'm hooder than the people that say that. my dad is in jail for goodness sakes, but i shouldn't even say that cause i don't have to prove myself to anyone. ahhhhh, i really don't care about this subject that much, i just felt like ranting. goodbye

Promises

well, me and veezy v have to write in our composition books everyday, no matter what. agh, this is gonna be hard for me because i like everything to be perfect, but i guess this will help.
we are going to be poets guys, i can't wait. i never actually wanted to "just be a poet". yesterday changed everything.

friends

make everything better though=]

Life

is moving so fast. i think everyone should stop and appreciate the little things in life. a lot of people today are only focused on partying and being "known". that stuff really doesn't matter, and when you try so hard to be cool, it just makes you look like a loser.
people are going through things right now, and the world doesn't even know. that's the crazy thing, no one knows.

numb

i want to be numb all over.
pain is too real.
i really haven't been happy lately, hopefully it'll get better soon. but man, life is hard sometimes man.

Brave New Voices

so i watched that show today. it was good. there was this one girl from flordia, her story was similar to mine. her mom died when she was younger. but she has a disease, and i don't. that's the thing about life you know, there's always someone who has it worse. well, anyway, the point of this post is more than that. she said "yeah it's a curse, but it's a gift too because i wouldn't be able write without it" or she said something like that, lol. but man, as soon as she said that i got goosebumps because I SAID THE EXACT SAME THING! it was so crazy, i always say that my experiences have been both blessings and curse because yes, it sucks, but i am also able to help other people with their struggles. and once you are able t realize that, you realize that you are living your life for not only you, but for other people. [she also said that too] it's realy weird how a girl all the way across the countr thinks the EXACT same thing as me. crazy, alot of things are universal.

Veezy V!

ok, so one of my best friends has inspired me to blog again. I was just reading her blog and man, she had some dope _____. like the most intellectual stuff i've read in a while. check it out. labellapoeta.blogspot.com
well, if you go to view park, you know vaughan's situation=/ as you read [or maybe didn't read] in one of my previous posts, i hate when my friends have to suffer a loss. it sucks, big time! but man, vaughan is so strong. the thing is, i really wouldn't blame her if she wasn't being unbelievably strong right now. i know that i am speaking for all of vaughan's friends when i say we are here for you. i swear, we will be strong for you vaughan. well, this girl is the dopest poet ever. whenever i speak about poetry with someone, she comes up. hmm...maybe because she is my favorite poet. lol well, we've been friends since 9th grade, but this year we just totally connected on another level: our poetry. I think it is really amazing how things like that can bring people together. i was talking to her "poppa" about how music is so universal, and how it connects people all the way across the world to each other. well, so does poetry. It is like magic. everytime she spits a poem i get chill bumps. we just learned in poetry that the speechless, goosebumps, crying at the end of a poem/song moment is called duende. and i promise, vaughan has the affect on me each time she speaks. i realy could go on and on about how amazing my friend is. but i think i'll stop at this: i love you vaughan elyse higgins, and i will always be here for you! i love you v money!

breakups

me and this blog broke up! lol
oh, funny that i decided to get on here today. i ent to the studio, wrote a song, and recorded it! i'm gangster yo!